I Need You To Love Me
by Darley1101
Summary: After Cristina's wedding Alex thinks about Izzie.


Title: I Need You To Love Me

Author: Darley1101

Pairing: Alex/Izzie

Rating: PG-13

Dediction: Formy dear friend Marie. Your friendship means the world to me. Hope this helps you have a g'day mate!

Author's Note: This was inspired by the look on Alex's face during Cristina and Owen's wedding on the Season 7 Premiere. I doubt something like this will happen but we can live in our own little Alex/Izzie world where it is possible! The title is taken from a Barlow Girl song. While the song is religious in nature some of the lyrics remind me of how Alex feels about Izzie.

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters. Just borrowing them.

An odd sort of shock ricocheted through Alex Karev as he sat on the top step of the cement stairs that led down to the single car garage that sat behind Meredith's house. He studied the bottle of beer dangling between his fingers, wondering why the hell he had agreed to attend Cristina's wedding in the first place. They weren't close. She had been Izzie's friend, not his. A lump formed in his throat; a familiar lump that seemed permanently lodged there, growing and shrinking according to how in control he was of his memories. Lately the lump had been the size of a softball and no amount of trying to force thoughts of Izzie from his head shrunk it.

His body stiffened as the back door creaked open. The last thing he wanted was some well-meaning 'friend' asking him why he wasn't inside wishing the happy couple well. A quick glance over his shoulders revealed a familiar pair of shiny, black T-strapped high heels. Lexie. Great. He raised the beer to his lips and took a long swig. "You're right. Happy now? I'm admitting that I'm a pathetic failure. I don't know how to be anything else, okay?" He heard a soft sigh escape her lips and for a moment he wondered if it wasn't Izzie behind him instead. That was impossible though. He'd sent her away. He'd said everything he needed to say to make her stay away as well.

"Whenever I've tried to be something else it just blows up in my face. So why try? Why even bother?" The lump was making his voice thick. Great. The last thing he wanted or needed was Lexie seeing him cry. He'd only ever cried in front of two people. His mother when he was little and Izzie. Izzie. "You were right about how pathetic I was asking for Izzie. I mean what kind of guy wants a woman who left him? If I'd been smart I would have found a way to love you." 'Because I need someone to love me. I need Izzie to love me,' a small voice pleaded in the back of his head. It sounded oddly like the little boy he use to be. The little boy who still dreamed of warm hugs and kisses goodnight. "The thing is, I don't have it in me to love anyone but her."

He took another swig of beer and grimaced when he realized it was the last one. "Here," a soft, well loved voice whispered. The empty bottle disappeared from his hand and was replaced by a full one. He stared at it for a moment before looking up. A triangle of light escaping from the open back door set her golden blonde hair ablaze, giving the appearance of a halo around her head. She gathered the full skirt of her red, white, and black print dress and lowered herself down next to him. Her hands folded in her lap and the fingers started twisting together. He longed to reach out and still them, to entwine his fingers with her's. Instead he clasped his together as though he was afraid that if they weren't melded together he would do something stupid like grab her hand.

"You are not a pathetic failure." There were so many emotions in her voice it took him a moment to pick them out. Anger. Sadness. Wistfulness. And, his heart prayed, love. Yes, he was almost positive he still heard love there. "Was…was Lexie…her?"

He didn't have to ask which her she meant. It was the her he had cheated with. The her that had prompted him to tell her to stay out of his life for good. "Yeah. Lexie was her."

Her shoulders hunched and trembled slightly. He didn't have to see her face to know she was crying. "Did…did Meredith know?"

Alex thought about lying. He was pretty good at it. He'd lied to himself for months. Hell, there had been times he had lied to Izzie in the past. He couldn't bring himself to fall back into that habit though. Lying wouldn't keep her by his side. Lying wouldn't make her stand up and fight for them. "Yes. She hated it, Iz. Tried telling us what a mistake it was."

"Sounds like Mere," Izzie whispered. Her fingers twisted faster, faster, faster, and then stopped. She raised her bowed head and looked at him. "We will get past this. We will figure out how to make you feel like you're not a failure."

We. A simple two lettered word. Simple but so full of power. Two letters that could make or break a couple. Couple. Six letters that kept a person from being alone. "There isn't a we." Lapsing back into his harden shell was comfortable. It was protective. He couldn't get hurt if he wore his shell.

"There has always been a we." The certainty in his voice gave him a moments pause. She made it seem to simple. Say they were a we, and they were a we. Say they had always been and it was okay. Life didn't work that way. It wasn't that simple. "We've made mistakes Alex. I'd like to think we've learned from them." She turned so that she faced him. One slender hand raised and reached out, the fingers gently tracing some odd design on the back of his wrist. "Do you know what I've learned? That I can't run. No matter how you make me feel running doesn't help. It always makes things worse." Her finger stopped moving and her fingers grappled for his. Their eyes locked as she twined their fingers together. "Do you know when I started loving you?" He shook his head, his heart pounding as he hungrily listened to every word she said. "Do you remember when Addison's friend came in from New York? She wanted Addison to give her a hysterectomy and to remove her breasts. All because she might get cancer the way her mother had. I don't why but I freaked out. Maybe, some part of me knew I would…I just freaked out and you acted like such a jerk about it. Saying they were just breasts. Do you remember that?"

Slowly he nodded his head. He remembered. Izzie had acted like she was the one having her body cut apart. He hadn't known how to respond to her fears so he acted like they weren't there. Until he couldn't. "You asked me if I would still be interested if you didn't have breasts."

A soft laugh whooshed past her full, red lips. "And you said you didn't like me because of my jugs." She shook her head and rolled her eyes upward. "You said you liked me for me not for my rack."

"Then you kissed me and slapped me." He felt a smile stretch across his lips. His first real smile in months. "Never understood why you slapped me."

"Well…I had to do something to keep your head from getting to big." Gently, she touched her forehead to his. "You scared me," she whispered. "You made me feel all these crazy things. Even when you slept with Olivia I couldn't make myself stop feeling things for you. I wanted to. I had every right to. I just couldn't. So, when Denny came along and he made me feel safe I ran. I ran for safety. Safety couldn't hurt me the way you did." Her fingers trailed down his cheeks until her palms cupped his jaw. "George was another safety net," she admitted. A horrible wetness dripped from her cheek onto his. He wanted to tell her not to cry but couldn't. His voice seemed lost. "All those other women were your way of staying safe. Olivia. Addison. Rebecca. Lexie. The one night stands. You felt like you had to keep yourself safe. From me."

The burden of sleeping with other women eased slightly. They had been safety nets. Guaranteed ways to keep Izzie from bring out emotions that scared the hell out of him. Whether they had been safety nets or not he still shouldn't have done it. He should have been a man. He should have…

As though she knew the directions his thoughts had drifted, Izzie said "We both made mistakes, Alex. We both messed up. We ran when we should have stood our ground. We fought when we should have compromised. We gave up when we should have fought." Her lips gently caressed his. A simple, sweet kissed that warded off the chill that had settled in the moment Gary Clark fired his gun. "I'm tired of making mistakes, Alex. I'm tired of running. Whether you like it or not, I'm going to stand my ground. I'm going to compromise. And I'm going to fight like hell for you."

"Why?" Alex asked hoarsely as a familiar sting burned his eyes. Her lips brushed his again as she whispered three words he thought he would never hear her say again. "I love you."

Closing his eyes he gathered her close. Her arms wound his waist as his locked around her upper back. "I love you too," he choked out. A welcoming calm settled over him. They would be okay. They'd both grown up in their time apart. Had things happen that changed them; shaped them into more mature adults. Adults capable of being a 'we.'


End file.
